skidmo_fic: (morons)
[personal profile] skidmo_fic
Title: Secrets of the Order
Rating: G
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Rodney McKay
Word Count: 783
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me...sadly
Feedback: yes, please.
Summary: Torchwood/SGA crossover: Rodney McKay is a coffee connoisseur, and Ianto Jones is a coffee god.
A/N: For [ profile] love_jackianto, who requested: Torchwood/SGA Ianto and Rodney. Prompt: Coffee.

It’s been a miserable three weeks.

He’s been stuck down here in this cold, dark, and yes, damp thank you very much, sorry excuse for a secret headquarters working for this even sorrier excuse for a secret organization—if you’re going to drive around in an SUV emblazoned with your name, you may as well just put up a huge, flashing, neon sign over the base that says, “Yes, we catch aliens.”

Or so Rodney thinks.

And he’d say so too, if he weren’t so busy being unnerved by the way Jack keeps winking at him (has the man never heard of eye drops?) or scoffing at the pathetic attempts the voodoo man has made at snark (please, snark? Rodney could outsnark him before he could walk) or brushing off the annoying overtures of their welcome wagon lady (they have orthodontists for a reason, you know) or being offended by the completely unfounded lack of fawning by that To-something-or-other woman (hello! Rodney McKay here! Resident genius!).

Still, there is one teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, positively minuscule ray of sunshine in this otherwise absolutely disappointing, waste of time assignment.

Because Rodney McKay is a connoisseur of coffee, and Ianto Jones is a coffee god.

Rodney has even seriously considered changing his religion since arriving in Cardiff. He’s been an atheist ever since he was old enough to figure out that there was absolutely no way the known universe had been created in seven days, and anyone who believed so was obviously a religious nutjob with exactly half a brain cell and nothing to rub it against (age four).

But the things Ianto does to coffee deserve veneration.

Rodney has never quite understood the almost orgasmic relationship the Marines have with their weapons, or the intense passion of Sheppard’s understanding with his hair gel, or Ronon’s … well Ronon’s relationship with anything really, but he thinks he may be getting an inkling of what they feel. Of course, Rodney’s emotions are experienced on a much higher, scientific plane. All logic and reason and hypotheses and beautifully balanced equations.

Logic: I need coffee to survive. Ianto provides the coffee. Therefore, Ianto is necessary to my survival.

Reason: Since I must drink coffee, I may as well enjoy the experience, and Ianto’s coffee-making skills go beyond enjoyment to somewhere in the neighborhood of bliss.

Hypothesis: If I were to somehow smuggle the Welsh, coffee-making deity into Atlantis, I could have blissful, divine coffee at all times.

Equation: coffee=life force, Ianto’s coffee > Zelenka’s foul brew, Ianto > Zelenka, Ianto=viable candidate for new head of engineering.

Ianto’s coffee is so good, in fact, that Rodney’s considerable intellect is becoming distracted. When Ianto brings him his first cup of the day, Rodney actually engages in small talk with the man. When Ianto’s overly flirtatious boss makes inappropriate comments about his suits, Rodney is indignant on the man’s behalf while fully acknowledging that Ianto does indeed look very, very good in a suit. When Rodney leaves for the night, he makes an extra long stop in the tourist office to make sure Ianto doesn’t need a ride home or some company as he finishes his work or really anything else that might result in another cup of that ambrosiatic brew.

At the end of his month-long stay with the Torchwood Institute, Rodney tells himself that his only regret in leaving will be the loss of his newfound idol and the blessings of worshiping at that altar.

But when he packs up his things on his last night there and Owen snarls a farewell, Toshiko waves absently, Gwen gives him that far-too-bubbly grin, and Jack hugs him just a little too long, Rodney doesn’t go immediately back to his hotel. He stops at a coffee shop just a few blocks from the Hub and pulls out his laptop to catch up on some emails.

A few minutes later a deep, richly accented voice says in his ear, “The coffee here is shite, mate. If you’re that desperate, you can come back to mine, and I’ll make you a cup.”

Rodney is about to protest that he is not, repeat not, desperate, but looking into those blue eyes, and smelling the faint lingering incense of Kona wafting off Ianto’s skin, he merely stutters out his thanks instead and packs up his things and follows him home.

And somewhere in between his last cup of coffee for the night and the fresh mug he finds left for him on the nightstand in the morning, Rodney revises his religion once again.

Ianto isn’t a god. He’s a priest. And Rodney wants nothing more than to sit at his feet and learn the secrets of his order.


Date: 2008-07-23 05:30 am (UTC)
misslucyjane: poetry by hafiz (Default)
From: [personal profile] misslucyjane
*cracks up* OMG, I love your Rodney voice.

Also, now I must have Rodney/Jack, pls.

Date: 2008-07-23 05:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*beams* Thank you!

Hmm...I will see what I can come up with.

Date: 2008-07-23 07:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I just loved your reasoning with the logic, reasoning, hypothesis and equation.

And yes, I'd also be at Ianto's feet, alternating between worship and learning ;)


Date: 2008-07-23 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!


Date: 2008-07-23 08:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*giggle* Oh, Rodney.

This was brilliant. Your Rodney voice is spot on.

Also, I love your icon. Princess Bride + SGA = WIN.

Date: 2008-07-23 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*beams* Thank you!

Princess Bride + anything = WIN, but I do tend to use it a lot in my SGA fic. :D

Date: 2008-07-23 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That was great; I've always wanted to read a crossover where Rodney falls in love with Ianto's coffee :D Love your Rodney voice. I especially liked Rodney's equation and 'Still, there is one teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, positively minuscule ray of sunshine in this otherwise absolutely disappointing, waste of time assignment.'

Thanks for writing for me. Would you mind if I recced it at my journal?

Date: 2008-07-23 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're very welcome! Glad you liked it.

And yes, please, rec away!

Date: 2008-07-23 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'd just thought I'd let you know that I made a FanArt piece ( for this story. I'd love to know what you think. Feel free to use it as a cover, if you want.

Date: 2008-07-23 07:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's brilliant! Perfect screencap of Rodney for this.

And my first ever fic-inspired art! Yay! :D

Date: 2008-07-23 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
'It's brilliant! Perfect screencap of Rodney for this.'
Thanks. I've always wanted to use that scene from Irresistible for something.

'And my first ever fic-inspired art! Yay! :D'
Glad you like it.

Date: 2008-07-23 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'd worship Ianto if he supplied me with coffee and Princess Bride - awesome!.
Edited Date: 2008-07-23 05:33 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-07-23 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

Date: 2008-07-23 06:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ianto is a coffee deity and it is blasphemy to say otherwise...

Date: 2008-07-23 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hee. Very true.

Date: 2008-07-24 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The awesomeness in this!!!
Wozzer....I loved!

Date: 2008-07-24 04:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

I don't know if there will be more. I'm not sure where the story would go from here.

Date: 2008-07-24 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You made my day!*g*

Date: 2008-07-24 04:15 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-07-24 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This was very cute. You captured Rodney's voice so well!

Date: 2008-07-24 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

Date: 2008-07-24 02:59 pm (UTC)
rhianona: (Ianto smirks)
From: [personal profile] rhianona
This is terrific. I really like the idea of Ianto seducing Rodney via coffee. I totally think Rodney should figure out a way to get Ianto to Atlantis... Maybe Ianto can defeat the Wraith and/or Replicators with his heavenly brew? Or at least make the Genii submit to his glory.

Date: 2008-07-24 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hee. Yes, because Ianto's coffee is just that awesome.


Date: 2008-07-24 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
canonically so! And he canonically uses it to attempt to seduce jack!

me? love this fic? hell yes. hypotheses! (and Rodney, you can only feel superior to Tosh when you instinctively build something to work from plans that don't) subscribe to the cult of King Ianto and his coffee making skills? Rodney, get in LINE. There is a waiting list. See icon.

Date: 2008-07-24 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Rodney would reply that Tosh can feel superior to him when she's built an atomic bomb for her grade six science fair. ;)

Date: 2008-07-24 07:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[giggle] OK, this was cute. :D I love your Rodney voice, and his POV of everyone is perfect, heh.

Angie, who doesn't really have an appropriate icon for this pairing, for whatever reason [cough]

Date: 2008-07-24 09:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

I'd be surprised if anyone did actually have an appropriate icon for this pairing. :)

Date: 2008-07-31 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is brilliant! I love it. =)

Date: 2008-07-31 05:36 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-08-05 03:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh this was brilliant! Rodney sitting at Ianto's feet. Just brilliant!

Date: 2008-08-06 01:15 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-08-06 11:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
wonderful! Have Ianto take a TDY to Atlantis! Jack/John, Ianto/Rodney.

The Entire crew of Atlantis would adore Ianto! Does Ianto have the ATA gene?

Date: 2008-08-08 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Hee. Bringing them both to Atlantis would create a whole slew of pairing possibilities. (Especially since I have a secret love of Jack/Rodney, Jack/Lorne and Ianto/Lorne...)
Edited Date: 2008-08-08 08:40 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-08-08 02:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is awesome and fantastic. The very logical progression of Rodney's mind is wonderful (Ianto as the new head of engineering, hee!) and his thoughts about the rest of the team are hilarious!

And the mental images of Ianto/Rodney... Mmmmm!

Date: 2008-08-08 08:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

Date: 2008-08-08 02:21 pm (UTC)
used_songs: (Ianto betrayal)
From: [personal profile] used_songs
Wow! This is delicious!

Date: 2008-08-08 08:40 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-08-08 04:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Loved it!! Ianto is a god of many things.

Date: 2008-08-08 08:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

Date: 2008-10-03 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hahahaha! Very good. "the faint lingering incense of Kona wafting off Ianto's skin" - LOL

Date: 2009-07-19 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OMG that was great!

Date: 2009-07-19 04:27 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-10-07 09:41 pm (UTC)
ladyhalbourne: (SG-1 | Dr Jackson)
From: [personal profile] ladyhalbourne
Perfect! Not only do I understand the needs of coffee (I love your Rodney voice), I also love this crossover!


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