Falling into Madness (G)
Feb. 17th, 2007 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skidmo_ficTitle: Falling into Madness
Rating: G
Pairing: Beckett/Lorne, pre-slash
Spoilers: Michael
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me...sadly
Feedback: yes, please.
Summary: Lorne helps Carson face the aftermath of his experiment.
Author’s Notes: written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
gatecreation episodes challenge. This is a companion piece to Not a Failure, though it's not really necessary to read that one first.
Carson looked up from his report and was a bit startled to see Major Lorne watching him carefully from the door of his office.
“How long have you been there, son?”
“Long enough.”
“I suppose you’re here to tell me this wasn’t a failure either then?”
Evan looked at him sadly. “Look, Doc...Carson, I know it’s...”
Carson cut him off sharply. “Oh you know, do you? You know how I’m feeling now? You know what it’s like to change a being's genetic structure? Know how it feels to knowingly betray the trust of someone in your care? Know what it’s like to break a solemn oath?”
To his credit, Evan didn’t stop the doctor in his ranting. He let him shout and watched as Carson’s face turned bright red, his hands clenching tightly into fists. When he finished, Evan said, “No, I don’t. What I was going to say is that I know it’s hard to go on after something like this. You start to question what you’ve done and why. Wonder if it’s all worth it. Wonder if you’re still a good person or if you’ve become the monsters you’re trying to fight. It’s not easy, but it’s life in a war zone. I don’t know how you feel because I’ve never been a civilian in this situation. But I have been in your situation before. The only difference is that I was trained to deal with it, and you’ve been shoved into a whole mess that you never should have had to deal with.” As he spoke, Evan stepped closer to Carson and put his hands on the doctor’s shoulders, looking directly into his eyes with each word.
When he’d finished, Carson hung his head. They were both silent for a moment. When Carson spoke, his voice was shaky. “It’s my fault Sgt. Cole is dead. I’ve no business playing God like this. It’s not my place, nor the place of any physician. I...I was responsible for Michael. When he became human, his welfare became my concern, and I...I didn’t stop to think what that would mean.” He raised his head and met Evan’s eyes. “Do you know what the worst thing is?”
Evan shook his head.
“Knowing that if Elizabeth asks me to do it again I will.”
The look on the Scot’s face was so heartbreaking that Evan acted almost without thinking, pulling the other man close and whispering into his hair, “We all will. I doesn’t make you a monster. You could never be a monster.”
Carson slid his arms around Evan’s waist and held him tightly. It wasn’t long before Evan felt the wetness of Carson’s tears on his neck. “Shh,” Evan whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”
Lifting his face from Evan’s neck, Carson asked, “How?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll work it out together. We’ll make it okay.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
Evan smiled at him, “So do.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It could be.”
Carson looked into Evan’s grey eyes for several seconds before pulling him back into an embrace. “Aye, with you, I think it could.”
fin
Rating: G
Pairing: Beckett/Lorne, pre-slash
Spoilers: Michael
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me...sadly
Feedback: yes, please.
Summary: Lorne helps Carson face the aftermath of his experiment.
Author’s Notes: written for the
gatecreation episodes challenge. This is a companion piece to Not a Failure, though it's not really necessary to read that one first.Carson looked up from his report and was a bit startled to see Major Lorne watching him carefully from the door of his office.
“How long have you been there, son?”
“Long enough.”
“I suppose you’re here to tell me this wasn’t a failure either then?”
Evan looked at him sadly. “Look, Doc...Carson, I know it’s...”
Carson cut him off sharply. “Oh you know, do you? You know how I’m feeling now? You know what it’s like to change a being's genetic structure? Know how it feels to knowingly betray the trust of someone in your care? Know what it’s like to break a solemn oath?”
To his credit, Evan didn’t stop the doctor in his ranting. He let him shout and watched as Carson’s face turned bright red, his hands clenching tightly into fists. When he finished, Evan said, “No, I don’t. What I was going to say is that I know it’s hard to go on after something like this. You start to question what you’ve done and why. Wonder if it’s all worth it. Wonder if you’re still a good person or if you’ve become the monsters you’re trying to fight. It’s not easy, but it’s life in a war zone. I don’t know how you feel because I’ve never been a civilian in this situation. But I have been in your situation before. The only difference is that I was trained to deal with it, and you’ve been shoved into a whole mess that you never should have had to deal with.” As he spoke, Evan stepped closer to Carson and put his hands on the doctor’s shoulders, looking directly into his eyes with each word.
When he’d finished, Carson hung his head. They were both silent for a moment. When Carson spoke, his voice was shaky. “It’s my fault Sgt. Cole is dead. I’ve no business playing God like this. It’s not my place, nor the place of any physician. I...I was responsible for Michael. When he became human, his welfare became my concern, and I...I didn’t stop to think what that would mean.” He raised his head and met Evan’s eyes. “Do you know what the worst thing is?”
Evan shook his head.
“Knowing that if Elizabeth asks me to do it again I will.”
The look on the Scot’s face was so heartbreaking that Evan acted almost without thinking, pulling the other man close and whispering into his hair, “We all will. I doesn’t make you a monster. You could never be a monster.”
Carson slid his arms around Evan’s waist and held him tightly. It wasn’t long before Evan felt the wetness of Carson’s tears on his neck. “Shh,” Evan whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”
Lifting his face from Evan’s neck, Carson asked, “How?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll work it out together. We’ll make it okay.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
Evan smiled at him, “So do.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It could be.”
Carson looked into Evan’s grey eyes for several seconds before pulling him back into an embrace. “Aye, with you, I think it could.”
fin
