A Hundred Lesser Faces (G)
Jan. 14th, 2007 03:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skidmo_ficTitle: A Hundred Lesser Faces
Rating: G
Pairing: Beckett/Ford (unrequited)
Spoilers: Poisoning the Well
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me...sadly
Feedback: yes, please.
Summary: Ford watches Carson fall for Perna.
Author’s Notes: written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
gatecreation episodes challenge. The title comes from John Donne’s “The Broken Heart”
THE BROKEN HEART.
by John Donne
He is stark mad, whoever says,
That he hath been in love an hour,
Yet not that love so soon decays,
But that it can ten in less space devour ;
Who will believe me, if I swear
That I have had the plague a year?
Who would not laugh at me, if I should say
I saw a flash of powder burn a day?
Ah, what a trifle is a heart,
If once into love's hands it come !
All other griefs allow a part
To other griefs, and ask themselves but some ;
They come to us, but us love draws ;
He swallows us and never chaws ;
By him, as by chain'd shot, whole ranks do die ;
He is the tyrant pike, our hearts the fry.
If 'twere not so, what did become
Of my heart when I first saw thee?
I brought a heart into the room,
But from the room I carried none with me.
If it had gone to thee, I know
Mine would have taught thine heart to show
More pity unto me ; but Love, alas !
At one first blow did shiver it as glass.
Yet nothing can to nothing fall,
Nor any place be empty quite ;
Therefore I think my breast hath all
Those pieces still, though they be not unite ;
And now, as broken glasses show
A hundred lesser faces, so
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,
But after one such love, can love no more.
***
The smile that came so naturally to Ford’s lips when Major Sheppard introduced him to the pretty blonde doctor faded unnaturally quickly when he saw the look in Beckett’s bright blue eyes as the doctor blurted out, “Carson...Beckett. I mean, Doctor....Call me Carson.”
He knew his crush on the Scottish doctor was ridiculous and unprofessional, not to mention hopeless, and he certainly didn’t begrudge Carson the opportunity to flirt with Perna, but that didn’t stop him from gripping his P-90 a little tighter and barely being able to restrain the growl that threatened to rise from his throat when the beautiful blonde lowered her eyes demurely and looked up at Beckett through her thick eyelashes.
The next few days were torture as Aiden thought about Carson spending all day with the doctor in her lab. He was giddy each night as he came back to the quarters that had been designated for their team on Hoff, and Ford knew it was nearly as much due to Perna as to their research.
He thought about the doctor and why she was so much more Carson’s type than he was. Aside from the fact that she was beautiful and that Ford had no idea if Carson was interested in men, there were quite a few other points working to her advantage. She was brilliant, obviously. I mean, Aiden knew he was no idiot, but he was street smart, not book smart. Perna and Beckett spoke the same language. It was all “molecular structure” and “protein markers” and other words Aiden couldn’t keep in his head long enough to ponder their meaning. And she was passionate. She’d given her life to discovering a viable defense against the Wraith, and Ford had heard her speak of Ferril’s efforts in the face of certain death to know that she was also very brave, willing to give her life to save as many of her people as possible. He was sure that Perna was casting more of those coy glances Carson’s way every second they were together.
He was almost glad when he heard that the serum they’d developed was causing medical complications with many of those who had taken it. Maybe Perna wasn’t so brilliant after all. His gladness died immediately when he saw Beckett scrambling through the infirmary in a hopeless attempt to save someone, anyone, and Ford realized that this was a matter that went beyond his infatuation with the Scot. People were dying here, and Carson felt responsible.
That was when Ford realized that this wasn’t about him. Never had been. This was about Carson. And that was why, when Perna died from the drug she was never sorry she had developed, Ford’s heart broke a little. Carson deserved someone like that in his life. Someone beautiful and smart and passionate and willing to give themselves to a cause wholeheartedly and unselfishly. And Ford knew that he wasn’t that person. Could never be that person. Because he was a soldier, and he had learned the meaning of “acceptable losses” and how to place a value on a human life.
And if all he wanted to do when they finally decided to leave Hoff was to take Carson into his arms and hold him until his blue eyes shone with that sparkling charm (even if it was directed at someone else), he knew it wasn’t his place and never would be.
He wanted to convey everything he was feeling in as few words as possible. Wanted to tell Carson that he’d be there if the doctor ever needed anything. Wanted to make sure this wasn’t going to destroy the easy laugh and dimpled smile. But the words stuck in his throat. All he could manage was the gruff soldier’s, “You okay?”
And Carson’s clearly untruthful “Aye” gently shattered what little of his heart that had remained intact.
fin
Rating: G
Pairing: Beckett/Ford (unrequited)
Spoilers: Poisoning the Well
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me...sadly
Feedback: yes, please.
Summary: Ford watches Carson fall for Perna.
Author’s Notes: written for the
gatecreation episodes challenge. The title comes from John Donne’s “The Broken Heart”THE BROKEN HEART.
by John Donne
He is stark mad, whoever says,
That he hath been in love an hour,
Yet not that love so soon decays,
But that it can ten in less space devour ;
Who will believe me, if I swear
That I have had the plague a year?
Who would not laugh at me, if I should say
I saw a flash of powder burn a day?
Ah, what a trifle is a heart,
If once into love's hands it come !
All other griefs allow a part
To other griefs, and ask themselves but some ;
They come to us, but us love draws ;
He swallows us and never chaws ;
By him, as by chain'd shot, whole ranks do die ;
He is the tyrant pike, our hearts the fry.
If 'twere not so, what did become
Of my heart when I first saw thee?
I brought a heart into the room,
But from the room I carried none with me.
If it had gone to thee, I know
Mine would have taught thine heart to show
More pity unto me ; but Love, alas !
At one first blow did shiver it as glass.
Yet nothing can to nothing fall,
Nor any place be empty quite ;
Therefore I think my breast hath all
Those pieces still, though they be not unite ;
And now, as broken glasses show
A hundred lesser faces, so
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,
But after one such love, can love no more.
***
The smile that came so naturally to Ford’s lips when Major Sheppard introduced him to the pretty blonde doctor faded unnaturally quickly when he saw the look in Beckett’s bright blue eyes as the doctor blurted out, “Carson...Beckett. I mean, Doctor....Call me Carson.”
He knew his crush on the Scottish doctor was ridiculous and unprofessional, not to mention hopeless, and he certainly didn’t begrudge Carson the opportunity to flirt with Perna, but that didn’t stop him from gripping his P-90 a little tighter and barely being able to restrain the growl that threatened to rise from his throat when the beautiful blonde lowered her eyes demurely and looked up at Beckett through her thick eyelashes.
The next few days were torture as Aiden thought about Carson spending all day with the doctor in her lab. He was giddy each night as he came back to the quarters that had been designated for their team on Hoff, and Ford knew it was nearly as much due to Perna as to their research.
He thought about the doctor and why she was so much more Carson’s type than he was. Aside from the fact that she was beautiful and that Ford had no idea if Carson was interested in men, there were quite a few other points working to her advantage. She was brilliant, obviously. I mean, Aiden knew he was no idiot, but he was street smart, not book smart. Perna and Beckett spoke the same language. It was all “molecular structure” and “protein markers” and other words Aiden couldn’t keep in his head long enough to ponder their meaning. And she was passionate. She’d given her life to discovering a viable defense against the Wraith, and Ford had heard her speak of Ferril’s efforts in the face of certain death to know that she was also very brave, willing to give her life to save as many of her people as possible. He was sure that Perna was casting more of those coy glances Carson’s way every second they were together.
He was almost glad when he heard that the serum they’d developed was causing medical complications with many of those who had taken it. Maybe Perna wasn’t so brilliant after all. His gladness died immediately when he saw Beckett scrambling through the infirmary in a hopeless attempt to save someone, anyone, and Ford realized that this was a matter that went beyond his infatuation with the Scot. People were dying here, and Carson felt responsible.
That was when Ford realized that this wasn’t about him. Never had been. This was about Carson. And that was why, when Perna died from the drug she was never sorry she had developed, Ford’s heart broke a little. Carson deserved someone like that in his life. Someone beautiful and smart and passionate and willing to give themselves to a cause wholeheartedly and unselfishly. And Ford knew that he wasn’t that person. Could never be that person. Because he was a soldier, and he had learned the meaning of “acceptable losses” and how to place a value on a human life.
And if all he wanted to do when they finally decided to leave Hoff was to take Carson into his arms and hold him until his blue eyes shone with that sparkling charm (even if it was directed at someone else), he knew it wasn’t his place and never would be.
He wanted to convey everything he was feeling in as few words as possible. Wanted to tell Carson that he’d be there if the doctor ever needed anything. Wanted to make sure this wasn’t going to destroy the easy laugh and dimpled smile. But the words stuck in his throat. All he could manage was the gruff soldier’s, “You okay?”
And Carson’s clearly untruthful “Aye” gently shattered what little of his heart that had remained intact.
fin
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 06:57 am (UTC)This is lovely and as deeply sad as the poem. He's so gloriously human. His jealousy and inability to say what he feels are palpable and painful.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 07:44 pm (UTC)